Hate and American X

I just finished watching the movie American History X. I have mixed feelings about it. I think that I liked the movie a lot, but I hesitate to say it because of what the movie is. What the movie is hate personified in such a real way that it is sickening. I think that I liked the movie though because it portrayed hate the way that it must be portrayed.

            I like the way that the movie ends with Danny saying, “hate is baggage. Life’s too short to be pissed off all the time. Its just not worth it.” That is the way the movie portrays hate, which is how it must be portrayed. Was the movie an exceptional story that would only happen in the most outrageous of situations? Yes. Do those situations occur in real life? Yes, but I will never accept that my world can be a world that would ever allow the events that take place in the movie to occur. The only way in which things like the prejudices and violence in American History X can occur is in a place which hatred exists.

            Hate is a force, which can arise in so many situations. Environment, prejudices, conflicts, politics, emotion, and religion all can create or birth hatred within one’s heart. Hatred, real and deep hatred develops deep within someone before it is even noticed. In the movie it shows that its not even just anger that creates hatred, but it grows from ideas and actions taught to us, which are exemplified during times of uncontrollable and illogical anger.

            Many times I would never focus on anger, hatred, malice, because they aren’t things that I like to dwell on. You may say that I hate hate, but in the past couple hours since watching the movie I have been trying to understand hate, and I don’t want to come at it from a love perspective, because I feel like I always try to look at things from the optimist side of things. I really want to try to understand hate because as I mentioned earlier I will never accept my world to allow hatred to manifest itself like I see it in the world today.

            I feel as if my ignorance of hatred comes from my inability to stay or even be mad. I think that it is a learned ignorance in me through being raised shown only love; I was never paralyzed by anger or hatred. I was never given the opportunity and I was never put in the situation where I could be hurt to the extent of hatred, which is paralyzing.

            I see around me what people might call “hell on earth.” I live in a town which recently (within the past 10 years) was almost completely destroyed by a volcano, and what was not destroyed was and is continuing to be manipulated by the ongoing conflict (some still call it a war) among the people of the area. Yet through all the destruction, all the lives lost, all the poverty, all the struggle, and all the hopelessness, I see very little hatred. So what is hatred, and why does it exist in this world that I call home? How can I rid my home of this disabilitating state?

            In American History X, and what I can see a lot of in American society is that fear and anger cripple people with hatred. I think to myself where does this fear and anger come from? The answers, which become known to me through (not true, but to some extent true) stories such as the movie American History X, or even one of my favorites, Crash. This fear and anger come from the preconceived notions of what we don’t know (ignorance), the misinformed assurance of those notions (media, politics and religion), and the absence of resources and motivation to overcome that fear and anger (laziness).
            In the world there are so many examples of people who take what they hear and write it on their heart with permanent ink. Examples are seen in many people’s religious beliefs (which has nothing to do with their faith) and in their social expectations. When these beliefs and expectations that one holds so dear are challenged and discredited is when anger arises and a person can be blanketed with the darkness of hatred. Closed-mindedness fuels hatred.

            I feel that hatred manifests itself not only where love has been subdued but where thinking stops. Perfection is not the only thing that comes from clear eyes and a full heart. When your eyes and mind are clear you are able to think rationally and critically. If a person can think with an open mind, a clear mind then they will never be closed off by anger and hatred. If a person can have a heart full of love then hatred can never make manifest within their being.

            Hatred not only paralyzes life, it destroys it. Hate is destroying the life of our planet. The heart and mind of humanity is closed and clogged with the anger that can only create hate within the being of us all. Humanity must open its mind and heart to the love and knowledge that can abound yet only when it is allowed to make manifest.

“Hate is baggage. Life’s too short to be pissed off all the time. It’s just not worth it... “We are not enemies but friends. You must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, they must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory will swell and again touch as surely they will be by better angles of our nature.”- Danny from American History X

Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. –MLK

“Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it”- MLK

Why Do I Coach? (Part 1)

I want to be somebody to someone. When I stop living for others and start living for myself, my life will loose its purpose and meaning. No day is complete until you can do something for someone without expecting anything in return. It is more important to give life than to live life, but you give life by the way you live life.

I want to give my life through sport not to sport. I want to give my life to coaching so that through my life I can give others the education that I received through doing what I love most, playing sports. Sport has taught me that nothing can be attained until you first lose something. No championship is won until each and every player on a team loses their pride for the good of the team. No progress is made unless one loses their time and effort to growth. Love cannot manifest until one loses their heart to the people and things that they want most. I want to lose myself for the purpose of others.

To lose myself I must give myself, or I must be stolen away. I will not allow myself to be stolen by the things of this world such as material things, money, drugs or pride. These things can come as a thief to steal your soul. I give myself fully so that I may not be stolen away. In this way I can lose myself for the things that will make the world a better place, instead of being lost to those things which are destroying it. These things which I will give my being to include integrity, truth, passion, love, industry, and peace.

As Marianne Williamson said, “as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people the permission to do the same.” As I give to others I give others the example to do the same. As the light of my love shines on all, so all can love in the same way. As people see the joy and happiness that giving brings me they will consciously or unconsciously do the same. This is how modeling is done. This is how to be somebody to someone.

As a coach I am a role model to those I coach but also everybody I come in contact on a day to day basis. This is a large responsibility but one that I am willing to die for, one that I am willing to give my whole being to. Though my success will be measured by wins and losses, my life will be measured by how the world has changed because of my presence. If I live my life to change the world I will win the ultimate crown, and that will make me a success. That success will be the satisfaction in knowing that my mind is clear because I gave you all and that my heart is full because you were perfect.  

Gisembe Tournament

This weekend PJB girls spent the weekend in Kigali for the 15^th annual Gisembe International Basketball Tournament. We took a team of 12 girls who are part of the Elite PJB team along with three coaches. It was a great opportunity for the girls to represent PJB as well as the DRC as a country in the international tournament.

We left early Friday morning from Goma to travel to Kigali. On Friday we were set to play APR, the Rwandan National team at 4 PM. We arrived in Kigali at Amahoro stadium (the national stadium) at about 1:30 PM, which gave us enough time for a pre-game meal and enough time to rest and focus for the game. The tournament began at 2 PM with a game between fellow Congolese team, Goma Bulls (the PJB Elite men’s rivals) and a youth Rwandan team. I believe that it is always good to be a tournament because as you are preparing for your own match you can relax and watch a different match. As a player this always got me pumped for the game and helped me focus. As a coach I also find that I like to watch a game before my team plays a game. Through watching a game you can really think through basketball and see things that you want to do or you want to avoid when you get the chance to play. Both as a player and as a coach I would say that almost as important as playing basketball, watching basketball is essential to success.

Anyway, our game began at about 5:30 PM, which was no surprise that Rwandan time is the same as Congolese time. We had to start the match short 3 girls who were suspended for being late. Our star point guard lost her starting job and was suspended for a quarter for being late, and two other key reserves missed the game for showing up late to travel in the morning. We won the tip and scored on our first possession of the game, 2-0 PJB. It was a great feeling to hold a lead against APR, which is a powerhouse in East Africa sports. The feeling was short lived though as we finished the first quarter losing 34-2. The girls were great though as they did not lose spirit, and as the second quarter began the team turned around, with the starting point guard being able to play, and we went into halftime 42-10. After losing the first quarter by 32 points, we lost the second only by 10. The third quarter was our best quarter as our girls came out of half time no longer scared of the older, bigger, stronger and faster APR team, and played some inspired basketball. After the 3^rd quarter the score was 51-15, which meant we only lost the quarter 9-5. The final score of the game was somewhere around 78-17, because we used the 4^th quarter to rest our starters for the game the next day.

Though we got our butts kicked, it was great to see the girls were not discouraged, and us three coaches couldn’t have been more proud. We were playing with a team who’s average age is about 16 years old, and the APR starters had almost 10 years of experience playing together. After the first quarter I told the girls to play quarters, and try to win quarters instead of the game, like how I gave the game recap. They really bought into that idea, and I think that by doing this they saw that they improved over the course of the game, and that meant that they were successful. It was awesome to see young girls buying into a healthy view of success whereas most teenage girls would be devastated after a 60-point loss.

The next day wasn’t as good as first day in a basketball sense. We played the next game away from Amahoro Stadium (which was the main site for the tournament) at an outdoor court known as Rafiki Club. On Saturday we played RUN (Rwanda University National), which looked to be a match that we had a chance to win during warm-ups. Again we were playing out of our league as we were playing a University team of grown women with a group of young teenagers. The first quarter we played up to average for us, with our big girl Grace (6’0” 15 year old forward) playing really well both offensively and cleaning up the defensive glass. At the end of the first we were down 13-11 though. After that, our girls looked slow and sluggish and we ended up playing very ugly the rest of the game and lost 48-22, a pretty bad blowout. I know exactly what happened and it is hard to blame the girls.

The loss was due to a lack of maturity, but it served the girls a good lesson. On Friday night some pounding waked me up from bed at 1:00AM on my wall from the room next door. I went to the room and found the girls in the room wide-awake, laughing and talking. I then went to all the rest of the girl’s rooms, and all of them were awake, listening to music, talking and laughing. I got all of them in to bed, but I know they didn’t go to sleep. Then in the morning all the girls washing their uniforms for the game in the afternoon waked me up at 6:00 AM. This means that the girls got less than 5 hours of sleep, and you could see it in the game on Saturday.

I can’t blame them. I was the same way in high school. When you are in a different country/city and you are away from home with your friends you just want to live up every second. I remember all the APAC tournaments where we would fly home on Sunday completely exhausted, not just from all the games (and Championships if you played during my career at SFS J) but also because we would stay up late at night with all of our friends. Tournaments are exciting and a great time for team bonding, and going to Kigali for the Gisembe tournament was a treat for the girls, but more importantly it was another step for PJB in developing our reputation.

Our girls represented PJB and DRC in a great way I feel, and I was even told multiple times about the upside of our team. I think that the people at the tournament were impressed with what we had even though we were blown out twice. Success goes way deeper than scores and statistics, it is determined by spirit and heart.

Trip to Gungu

For the past 3 days I’ve been in Gungu, DRC on a farm. Gungu, you could say, is the furthest you can get from civilization. We came out here for the long weekend (Monday and Tuesday are national holidays for the anniversary of the two former president’s deaths) to get out of the city for a little while and breathe some fresh air. Though Gungu is only about 75 Km (about 50 miles) from Goma it took us over 3 hours to drive because the road was so bad. The road had actually been impassible for the past two months because of the rainy season. When we arrived I felt like I was in a completely different world, enclosed by the mountains of North Kivu.

            When we arrived we walked inside the farmhouse to a fire burning in the fireplace and some fresh mountain water. We then decided to explore a little bit and visit the cheese and butter factories and where they plant their trees. Of course, on a farm one adventure led to the next and we found ourselves five minutes later in a dense bamboo forest. We then returned home after our two-hour adventure to have a dinner made only of the nicest and freshest food you can find on earth.

            The next day was much of the same. Visiting (and milking!) cows, seeing the sheep, and trying to avoid the African wasps as we explored the beautiful farm. Though it was an awesome experience being in this surreal and beautiful place, I realized that I take for granted the world around me. Though here at the farm there is almost everything within just a couple kilometers walk, I saw nothing that I haven’t seen before (except African wasps). It took being in a place like Gungu though that makes me conscious of my world, of our world.

            I am a city boy through and through, and I actually hate farms. They smell, you go long periods of time with nothing to do, and I feel like whatever I do at a farm gets me dirty. This time I was at a farm I thought a lot. I stood still for a minute (or maybe many long long minutes) to breath, think and feel. This world is just an amazing and breathtaking place with so many adventures to be had. I have been blessed to have seen so much of the world and I know that. After today though, it would be my strong encouragement to everyone to take some time every day to be still and enjoy the world around you. It will take your breath away. The earth gives you breath, and it has the beauty to take it away.

Belated New Year's Post

The year 2011 was the best one yet

Even though I thought 2010 was as good as it gets

So now I look back on a wonderful year

To see where Im going, where Im at, and how I got here

January is a month to reminisce

About the year before and the things you will miss

But its also a month to look forward and see

What you want to become and who you want to be

Last year began in the land of Turkey

Hittin up the sights with me and my family

Then back to the kank to teach little kids

Atleast I had basketball to overcome it

I started out soaring with the Eagles at Trinity

I look up to those guys as much as they do me

Then I became a Soldier by way of Example in K3

And it felt like every weekend there was another wedding

Seven newlyweds all in one summer, we lost some good men

But I must say the best of all was KK and Ben

So now the Kearney’s can add one more

Then I hit up Wootten’s in the state with Baltimore

Only to finish the summer with a wedding encore.

And now Im in the DRC fulfilling my dream

Thanks to everyone who has supported our PJB team.

During these 365 I was glad to be alive

For I got to witness the Arab spring arise

Power to the people seems to now be reality

But freedom had to come through the darkest side of humanity

We had to occupy to fight to have our voice heard

Anarchy and revolution were the only ways to put in a word

But the words that ring out are those of the one’s we lost

Too many had to die, freedom comes at much to high a cost

Who could forget about the hurricane scare in NYC

Or the tragic devistation of the Japanese tsunami

We pray for those who suffered from the disaster in Japan

And we don’t forget those in New Zealand and Van

But the sadness is too great to list in a poem

The list of problems goes on and on and on

But 2011 showed us that we can overcome

For through all the struggle of the year the human spirit remains strong

So for this upcoming year I plan many things

And I cant even imagine what the year brings

But I know that everyday I can strive to do my best

This way 2012 will win when compared to all the rest

So if I have two cents for your new year

I suggest you never take for granted what to you is really dear

Don’t miss a moment because they go way to fast

Remember to only be looking forward but also learn from your past

“No days off, make memories, and love with all your heart”

The Multi-dimensional Athlete

I am not a machine

I can think on my own

Creativity, ingenuity, and passion drive me

I have many dimesions if you take the time to get to know me

I go much deeper than my outward appearance and your preconceived notions

You must listen, you must watch and you must pay attention

To understand my game you must look from different angles

You must have great anticipation because I am unpredictable

I can handle the ball, pass the ball, and I can shoot the ball.

To understand my hard work you must feel my heart beat

Careful preparation and focus on detail produce my great accomplishments

My blood pumps with the desire to learn, to improve and to master

To understand my respect you must first understand grace

You must do nothing to gain my respect, but you can do much to lose it

I will always be loyal and true for as long as you accept me

I have many dimesions and that is why I succeed

I am not a closed circuit there is no way to break me

I will never stop charging towards my goals

I am multi-dimesional try to stop me!

the multi-dimesional player

 I am not part of a formula

I am not part of a machine

I am not part of a system

You cannot hold me back

You cannot predict me

You cannot stop me

I am a passer

I am a shooter

I am a ball-handler

I give my time to hard work

I give my time to detailed practice

I give my time to perfecting myself

If you take away my dribble I will shoot

If you take away my shot I will pass

If you play me too close I will dribble by you

No matter what you sceme

No matter what you plan

No matter what your momma says

You can never stop me!